"When I met her I think my first line was, ‘Hey I’m Darren, I’m Scottish, we’re the best lovers in the world!” And then she laughed and in the first five minutes we were planning our wedding at a Scottish castle and I was going to skydive into the castle and she said, “That’s going to be interesting when you’re wearing your kilt!”
This came into work today. I shortlisted it and displayed it on my cafe counter.
The back said something like “He is into BDSM. (Batman, Dragons, Star Wars, and Magic the Gathering).”
The first paragraph starts like this:“I growl with frustration at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is fifty shades of messed up. Why is it so kinky and out of control? I need to stop sleeping with it wet. As I brush my long brown hair, the girl in the mirror brown eyes too big for her, stares back at me. Wait… my eyes are blue! It dawns on me that I haven’t been looking in the mirror—I’ve been staring at a poster of Kirsten Stewart for the past five minutes. My own hair is fine.”
my own hair is fine
oh my god where can i buy this
I have read this book and I assure you it is literary gold.
*cuddles up close to you* *puts my mouth by your ear* I NEED CONSTANT REASSURANCE THAT YOU STILL ENJOY ME AND FIND OUR RELATIONSHIP APPEALING
reasons to date me
- no pressure to wear pants in my presence
- or any clothes at all really
- but it’s up to you
- u can be big spoon or little spoon
- totally your choice
- i’m always ready to make out
- also u don’t even have to buy me things just maybe an ice cream cone every once in a while that’s it
- i’ll let you lick it though
- i mean the ice cream cone
- well not just the ice cream cone
I MISS ALLISON.
I MISS ISAAC.
I MISS CORA.
I MISS JACKSON.
I MISS ERICA.
I MISS BOYD.
If you find yourself thinking “Wait. Can’t say that. He’ll think I’m weird and fucked up.” Ditch them and find someone who responds with something twice as weird and three times as fucked up.